29 Sep

Have you noticed?

When we understand something well ourselves it is much easier to explain it to our kids.

Kids are naturally inquisitive and curious. It’s their job. If you have had a 3 year old you will have vivid memories of many ‘but why’ moments… Some of these moments extremely amusing – others infuriating!  And it doesn’t stop there, our kids are often asking us questions, to work out how the world works.  This gives us a great opportunity to help our kids to grow and accept change.

Our youngest son Ardyn finished primary school in July and his life has changed. He has now almost finished his first month of high school and it has been intriguing to follow this change. If you have a child going through a similar change then you will know all about the wonderings, the visioning, the trying to imagine with them what life will be like during this exciting next phase. And when it arrives – the excitement and the uncertainty as they become accustom to this new ‘normal’. We have been there ourselves, but for many of us it was a long time ago, (I just did the math and it is 35 years ago for me!) and often, in vastly different circumstances (different country, different school, different curriculum, different expectations). At these times I notice that what helps me most to assist our sons in these situations is my understanding of the process of change.

Having experience change many times in my life, having trained as a trainer, a facilitator and a coach I have had the wonderful opportunity to really come to grips with change – what it really means. I have some great insights for you.

When we understand the change process, we can do things that we know will help our children to adjust. Understanding the phases of change, why it is exciting and scary at the same time, what is normal, in which phase of change they need extra time to adjust. Being able to explain this to our children in a confident way helps them too understand change, and will build their resilience for the many inevitable changes yet to come it their lives. Teaching them how to navigate change and thrive is a priceless gift.

Thinking about change, about Ardyn, and about my clients I have been inspired to create a mini family guide to change – The 5 Keys to Families Embracing Change – which I am giving to you for free.

It is designed to help families no matter what change they are facing, moving, death of a loved one, divorce, a child starting nursery, primary school, high school, university, leaving home. You name it change is everywhere…

Here is a summary of the Keys:

Key 1 – Understanding that change is:

  • Natural
  • Necessary
  • Often challenging
  • Helps us grow

 Key 2 – Understanding the magnitude of change & that this is different for every member of the family.

Key 3 – Understanding the ‘Ending’ stage;

  • Often the most painful
  • Difficult to ‘let go’ because familiar is comfortable
  • We move through a grieving process
  • Important to say goodbye
  • Must let go to successfully move on

Key 4 – Understanding the ‘Transitional’ stage;

  • The old is gone, the new is unknown and you are in-between – it feels strange
  • A time to nurture self
  • Do something to feel in control
  • This is the awkward phase

Key 5 – Understanding the ‘New Beginning’ stage;

  • High energy
  • Requires patience
  • Take small steps to build your new identity
  • Try new things
  • Embrace this opportunity for growth
  • It can sometimes feel lonely
  • It may take longer than you want it to take

Grab your copy of my FREE Mini Family Guide to Change here to begin your journey of greater understanding, which will enrich your whole family.

Yours in parenting and with joy

Tina

27 Aug

Does Life Coaching Really Work?

Great question – I was sceptical in the beginning too…

So I want to share with you some research about coaching and its effectiveness.

Life coaching is still a relatively new field, and there is plenty to be sceptical about. To someone who has never heard of life coaching, or barely knows what a life coach is and does, the benefits and possibilities can sound a little far-fetched at first.

The truth is there are millions of people who feel stuck, unhappy, lost, confused and lacking confidence. Lets face it; we have all felt this way at various times in our lives.

Thanks to a study from the International Coaching Federation (ICF), there are plenty of statistics that prove the effectiveness of coaching. For example, here are 4 benefits identified by clients from an ICF survey:

  1. 80% of clients improved their self-confidence
  2. 73% of clients improved their relationships
  3. 72% of clients improved their communication skills
  4. 67% of clients improved their work-life balance

The following infographic shows that coaching not only works, but can totally transform your life!

Does-Life-Coaching-Really-Work-Tom-Casano-900

 

09 Mar

3 Countries, 3 Continents, 6 Years – Lessons learnt from moving our family around the world…

Just over two years ago our family arrived in the UK to make a new life for ourselves. We have moved countries every 2 years for the past 6 years, moving around for Vaughan (my husbands) work.

There have been many challenges, big decisions and much uncertainty over this time period, but as I reflect back on our adventures I feel very grateful to have lived such an interesting life!

Our last 6 years has found us move:

Australia ==> Brazil (our boys aged 5 & 7 years)

Brazil ==> Australia (our boys aged 7 & 9 years)

Australia ==> United Kingdom (our boys aged 9 &11 years)

It is a strange feeling heading into a third year in the same place and I must admit that I am not in any great hurry to move again just yet!

We can only choose from what we have in front of us. We are given choices every day. We can choose to be courageous or to be safe.

As Vaughan and I tussled with the pros and cons of the possibly of moving to Brazil we looked at it from every angle, researching the city, the statistics, the language. We spent hours, days, weeks researching, discussing and contemplating.

One of our biggest fears as we explored the opportunity of moving to Brazil was not knowing what impact our moving would have on our boys…this was in the forefront of our minds as we made this first critical decision, to go or not to go.

The way Vaughan and I finally decided if to take the leap and head to Brazil with our boys (5 and 7 at the time) was by asking ourselves… “In 10 years are we going to look back and say we were glad we went or glad we didn’t go?” For both of us the answer was crystal clear… we would be glad we had gone.

When we took this ‘big picture’ view all the challenges and uncertainties faded into being almost insignificant. And if asked the same question today I can truly say that we are glad that we went. It was even more challenging than I could have imagined back then, but I am a wiser, more patient, more empathetic, more confident, more grateful and a more generous human being from having the experiences we have had. I see these qualities in our boys too, and even thought there have been huge struggles for them, they too have developed complex and unique parts of their own personalities. Would I choose the same again?… In a heartbeat!

Third Culture Kids - Growing up among worldsA wonderful book that was recommended to me by an expat friend is “Third Culture Kids” by …Having personally grown up in the same place for my entire childhood (a small farm in rural Australia) I had no personal experience of how our new lifestyle would affect our boys… this book help me to see the pros and cons of living and growing up outside our passport country…It helped us put strategies in place to ensure they maintain a connections with the things that are important. I would highly recommend it for anyone contemplating a change of country with children.

Some of the lessons I have learnt over the past 6 years are these:

  1. Fear of the unknown is normal, healthy and needs balancing with courage, research and faith
  1. When we are challenged – we grow
  1. We are not aware of what we are truly capable of until faced with challenges to overcome
  1. A coach is an enormous support during the upheaval of moving countries

Our first move was the toughest, in lots of ways that is always going to be the case. But one of the things that stands out for me as a big difference between the first and subsequent moves is that for the first move I didn’t have a coach… In later moves my coach was an enormous support for me (and therefore for our family) each time we have relocated. There is always so much to do in what seems like so little time. My coach helped me to get clear about what was most important and what I could let go of. Each move brought different challenges, but each time my coach helped me to stay grounded, focused and (relatively) calm. For anyone who has gone through something similar you will know that there are often sleepless nights, not only coming up to the actual move, but also well before that as you attempt to make the correct decision regarding every aspect of your current and future life!

And so if you are facing a big move in your life -be it your first or one of many – I would recommend a coach. A coach can help smooth out the bumps in the road, and this can be a lifesaver when your energy reserves are hitting rock bottom!

I am extremely grateful that I can now look at each challenge that I face, and overcome, to be a blessing. Each time I get through a challenge I am growing, becoming more resourceful and more able to deal with whatever comes next.

xo Tina